Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for
baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very
embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and
her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle
man but I don't think he can live with my problems." So she decided to make the
supreme sacrifice and give up beans.
A year later her car broke down on the
way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and
told him she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed
a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off any ill
effect by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner, and before she
knew it she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she
putt-putted.
Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her, exclaming delightedly, "Darling I have a
surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her then led her to a chair at
the table. Just as he was about to remove the blindfold the phone rang. He made
her promise not to touch the blindfold till he came back. Then he went to answer
the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the
pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the
room she seized the opportunity, shifted the weight to one leg, and let it go.
It was not only loud, but it smelt like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk
coming froma pulp mill. She took a napkin and fanned the air around her
vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which
reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears turned to the conversation in
the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone
farewells signed the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times
with the napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling
contently to herself, she was the picture of innocence when her husband
returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked and she
assured him that she had not. At this point, he removes the blindfold to reveal
twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a first Happy
Anniversary!