...you think the communion wafers are too spicy.

...your mother reminds you often that she wishes you'd studied the organ.

... you dress up as your favorite reformer for Halloween.

...your mother could give any Jewish mother a run for the money in the guilt department.

...you think lime Jell-O with cottage cheese and pineapple is a gourmet salad.

...you think that an ELCA Lutheran bride and an LCMS groom make for a "mixed marriage."

...Folgers has you on their Christmas list.

...your congregation's first two operating rules are "Don't change" and "Don't spend."